When she was 11 years old, Oluwakemi M. Linda Banks told her mother, "You are giving me an inferiority complex," which may have marked the beginning of her leanings toward a career in psychology.
Banks, who has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology, was the keynote speaker at the fourth annual Virgin Islands Women's Conference, sponsored by Sen. Lorraine Berry. The conference was titled, "Embattled Families – Saving our Children from Abuse, Violence, Drugs and Alienation."
Banks said parents don't deliberately damage their children, but are often working out their own unresolved issues through them.
"I have made a commitment," Banks said, "that every child I meet feels better about themselves after they leave me."
Another speaker at the conference, Irene Luz Correa, had her own story to tell of abuse and alienation. Correa was sexually molested by her father from the age of 3 until a school nurse uncovered the abuse when Correa was 6.
At 14 Correa had her first child. She ended up in prison, charged with drug trafficking, and earned her GED at age 19.
She is, at 28, the single mother of five children aged 2 to 13.
Correa said, "I don't want them to go through what I went through."
Correa believes the most important thing is "knowing who you are and accepting responsibility for wrongdoings and right doings.
"My mistakes were there to be made, to learn, to admit and to correct."
Correa, who is a clerk typist and licensed nail technician, said, "Perfection is not the key, success is."
What does Correa deem success? "Survival," she said.
Banks believes all children are wonderful. "Their behavior is their attempt to get attention. They need to be accepted, approved of and appreciated. If we as adults show them unconditional love, they wouldn't need to act out."
Banks said parents need to be careful about the message they send to their children. "If we tell them they're disgustin' and stupid, that's how they will act."
Banks, who is from Anguilla, runs a school there, where she said the students are "bombarded" with positive messages about themselves. Believing that children are "the summits of achievement," Banks said the school uniforms have a mountain depicted on them. She tells the students to always keep their goals in sight.
This year's women's conference took a different focus than in previous years. It was planned and developed for and by members of the Virgin Islands' housing communities.
More than 500 people attended, according to Berry.
Among the panelists at the daylong conference were former Human Services Commissioner Catherine Mills; Territorial Court Judge Brenda Hollar; the Rev. Lester Bowers; Dr. Frank Odlum; Dilsa Capdeville, director of KidScope; activist and UVI professor Malik Sekou; Robin Chapuis, CEO of Roots and Wings, a Colorado-based motivational organization; Alice Hamilton, a sociologist and community activist; and attorney Azekah E. Jennings, public affairs officer for the U.S. Attorney's Office.