I have been working on fatherhood issues in the Virgin Islands, and learning about the fatherhood movement nationally for over four years. During that time I have encountered many people who have asked me to define what makes a man a good father, or they have been determined to tell me what makes a good father.
It's easy to cite descriptors like men who love, nurture, care, and support their children. Another common response is good fathers are defined as men who are actively involved in their children's lives.
In doing this work I've found it's not so simple to define what represents responsible fatherhood. You see, the whole discussion on responsible fatherhood is occurring from six different perspectives: the child's perspective of their father's performance, of course fathers have a perspective on how they are doing, and the mother of the child also has a perspective. But you can't stop here. Add in the perspective of the families of the parents, of the community, and the government's perspective, and you have fathers and fatherhood being defined through various lenses.
Sometimes these different constituencies support each other, and other times they are in conflict.
Some of the fathers I've talked to say the only opinion of their performance that matters is that of their children. A child can be excited about his or her father because he is actively involved in that child's life. It's a noble response, but if the mother of the child or the family feels differently, there are repercussions and conflict. The perspective of families really come into play when the father and mother are teen-agers.
The community's view of a man's performance as a father is usually a result of looking at the behavior of his children. If a child displays anti-social behavior, it is just assumed that his parents/father have not worked hard enough. There are many instances where one child is great and the other is a problem. As a community we decide that the father's involvement must be great in the case of the good child, and terrible in the case of the not so good child, yet they both had the same level of fathering.
If you are a non-custodial father, the Government's definition of responsible fatherhood translates solely into are supporting your child, making your support payments. All that love and nurture stuff doesn't enter into the discussion. Since low-income fathers are more likely to be behind in child support payments, they incur the wrath of their children, mothers, as well as the Government. And the government's wrath can be severe: arrest, revocation of the driver's license or professional licenses, or loss of one's passport.
Depending on your perspective, fathers who can provide all that a child wants or needs aren't always good fathers either. He may never be home, or visit his child's school, or read to his child.
So what are the qualities that make up a good father? And whose opinion matters most? Quite frankly, after four years of work, I won't answer either question.
I can tell you, however, that the easy answers don't stand up to scrutiny well. I can tell you fathers care what you think. They care what their children, their families and the community think. They care about Father's Day cards, gifts at Christmastime, and hugs from their children.
They are proud of good report cards, and suffer when their children aren't doing well or are in trouble. Many feel that there is a lack of support and interest in this community for fathers. Some are in a constant state of upset and anger because they may lack the capacity, wherewithall or resources to be a stronger force in their children's lives.
It seems to me that as a community we need to talk more about fathers, and reach out to fathers. Fatherhood must be important because there certainly are a whole lot of people with a perspective on what's a good father.

Editor's note: Richard L. Brown is the volunteer coordinator of the fatherhood collaborative at the Community Foundation Of The Virgin Islands. A former vice president at Chase Manhattan Bank, he is following his heart and teaching at Charlotte Amalie High School.